How to be a Shit Housemate

 What do we want? Passive aggressive lists about people
When do want them? Now 

During my four years of uni, I lived with some pretty insufferable people. From the weird to the downright bloody nasty. So being the generous little princess I am, I thought I'd collate my experiences to provide the ultimate guide on how to be the worst housemate anyone could ask for!*

1. Label all your utensils with green tape and keep them separate from everyone elses. Being super possessive in such an obvious way is FAB.
2. Conversely, don't bring any cutlery, pots, or pans apart from one spoon and a butter knife.
3. If you decide to do this, make sure when you borrow/steal your housemates' pans to cook with, NEVER wash them. Wash your plate and spoon, but not their pans. 'Cause why should you?


4. Bake lovely things, keep them in full view of everyone and never EVER offer them around.
5. Refuse to chip in for toilet paper because "you don't use it"
6. Lie about not using toilet paper. Because that's just common sense, isn't it.
7. Eat your housemate's leftovers that they were saving, and do it as often as you possibly can. Double points if it's a nice meal they spent hours making.
8. When your housemates bake a cake and offer you a slice, keep going back for more and more until you polish off at least half.
9. Borrow a clutch bag from one of your housemates and leave it in the nightclub.
10. Make sure you NEVER take keys on a night out, and be sure to bang the door down at stupid o'clock in the morning.
11. Whilst on the topic of front doors, try and remember to leave the front door unlocked and wide open when you leave the house and no one is home. All about that risky living.
12. Refuse to pay bills, and if those pesky housemates of yours insist that you contribute, get various family members to threaten them.
13. Spill *insert saucey, stainey dish here* all over the wall and other surfaces and don't clean it up... Ever. I mean, what are housemates for?
14. Sit in the living room with headphones in so nobody can watch TV. It's your room now.
15. Never buy bin bags and proceed to balance rubbish on rubbish like unsanitary jenga for the forseeable future.

So there you have it. A sure fire way to make everyone within immediate proximity miserable and make no friends!

*I would hope this would be somewhat obvious, but please don't do this. Any of it. Ever.

Good luck, freshers.
And may the odds be ever in your favour.

Teri-May xx

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