Forget Pokemon. That shit's old news.
Today we're hunting ourselves a blogger. Going all David Attenborough. Are ya ready?
Here are my top 5 foolproof tips to catch a blogger.
1. Kit yourself out with a bag full of rose gold and copper accessories - jewellery or homewear will do. Maybe even marble contact paper or rustic flooring samples?!
2. You shoud be able to track the scent - a typical blogger will most likely smell of some form of Jo Malone, or maybe the lingering smell of a Diptyque candle. Or any kind of scented candle.
3. Visit a popular watering hole of British bloggers - any pastel coloured street, or maybe one with monochrome houses, definitely cool looking doors. Think Kensington and Chelsea... Look out for the gal posing coyly by the railings. Or in the middle of the road dodging cars as if it's totally normal.
4. Much like a flamingo standing on one leg, a blogger can often be seen standing on tiptoes leaning precariously over a table top. The food is likely to be styled in an oh-so-natural way while the blogger snaps pics. Surrounding creatures will likely display looks of contempt as their food gets cold.
5. The optimal time of year for spotting a blogger in the wild is autumn. If you look carefully whilst standing outside Starbucks, a blogger can often be seen emerging carrying a pumpkin spice latte. (#PSL y'know). If you see her taking an arty picture for Instagram, you know she's a blogger.
6. If you are invited into the home of someone you suspect to be a blogger, inspect your surroundings. You may spot cacti, IKEA plant pots holding a variety of rose gold make up brushes and "coffee table books". You WILL find mugs with their initials and candles everywhere, If you do, know that you're in the bloggers natural habitat.
A blogger hunting app will be the next big thing. Mark my words. I should trademark this shit right now. Don't even try to pretend at least half of these don't apply to you...
Love this post, it's so accurate and written so well! Favourite part is definitely number 4 'Much like a flamingo standing on one leg, a blogger can often be seen standing on tiptoes leaning precariously over a table top' - We've all been there! Hilarious post, a great read x
ReplyDeleteSmall, Brown & Stylish | Thrifty Fashion & DIY Blog
We really have haha! I always get too excited and eat my food though! X
DeleteThis is hilarious - had me laughing out loud by the end! Yes to the rose gold and Cacti :P I work in a shop called Joy and pour homeware is literally "BLOGGER GOALS" - we have cactus earrings and cocktail candles and a frickin' retro marble phone! :P LOVED THIS.
ReplyDeleteBumble and Be
I'm so glad you enjoyed! Cactus earrings sound AMMAZING! X
DeleteHahaha, I love this post it's so funny how true they all are!
ReplyDeleteLauren x | http://www.huggled.co.uk/
Shamefully true haha!! Thank you x
DeleteThis is hilarious--I love it! They're all so true.
ReplyDeleteBryn || The Wine Chronicles
Thank you! X
DeleteHaha I love this post so much! How many people were reading this and thinking- oh yeah that's me! My fave but was about being like a flamingo 😂
ReplyDeletehttp://midnightandlace.blogspot.co.uk/
Thank you! Us bloggers are so predictable haha! Xx
DeleteAbsolutely love this post! Although, I do need to try the pumpkin spice latte x
ReplyDeletewww.itsmeganelizabeth.blogspot.co.uk
Thank you! They are NOT that nice I don't get the hype at all! Xx
DeleteHaha, this is hilarious - although none of these apply to me *aherm*
ReplyDeleteKirsty - Life in Excess
LOL this is so funny....... cause its true! haha x
ReplyDeletehttp://lifebylaurax.com/
Actually laughed out loud at this post. Even as a newbie blogger I already portray some of these. Especially the photo one - I get many a *sigh* from Valo as we're trying to eat a nice meal and I just want "one photo for Instagram" oops!
ReplyDelete- Vee X
This post is absolutely brilliant haha!
ReplyDeleteYou're so right, Autumn is definitely blogger season.
Kat
katlast.com
Omg haha this is perfect! Especially the Jo Malone bit, that stuff is so bloody expensive too 😂
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ReplyDelete